Break

I guess when I said I was going back home for Winter Break, I really did mean a break from everything. I've dipped into somewhat of a spiritual low in terms of praying, reading the Bible, and sometimes I even find myself wandering for days without a drop of Christ in my thoughts. It's terrible, but somewhat relieving that this will all end once I'm back in Boston.

It's nice to know that I'm still spiritually strong after being away from my home church for so long. A lot of brothers and sisters from Boon have definitely been praying for my spiritual strength away from college since many others who go away for college tend to stray away from the faith. I've definitely put in the strength and time to go out and look for a church to settle in Boston, and I think after this nice somewhat long break, I know what I'm looking for. I just have to go to a few more sermons in the different churches and see where I'm growing the most.

It's odd though, that now that I have so much time on my hands, I'm not devoting any of it to God. I feel like I only go to him in times of trouble--which is wrong; I am aware of that. But at least I have the assurance that I have people keeping me accountable back in Boston and I'll be able to get back on my feet in two weeks' time. I still have to finish Isaiah 40+ challenge which I will do soon, preferably sometime in Florida.

Bring it on second semester.

The Isaiah 40+ Challenge

Northeastern Intervarsity staff have given us a challenge over winter break: to read Isaiah chapter 40 and onwards. It was so that we could continue to understand who God really is and what power he truly has. I flipped Isaiah 40 for the first time while commuting to and from Manhattan on a busy day, and it took a while for the words to sink in. I think what truly struck me the most were the following verses:

Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary
and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary
they will walk and not be faint

Isaiah 40:28-31

What an amazing way Isaiah described God. Sometimes, I lose sight of what an amazing powerful God He really is. His understanding no one can fathom. I CRIED at retreat because of how much I didn't understand God's love. I am a sinful person. I have sinful thoughts. I do sinful things. His love, I cannot grasp at all. It's so amazing, so divine. After all that I've done, all that I've disobeyed, he still continues to show love by giving me everything I would ever need.

Even though I'm kind of going through a rough patch right now, I feel like this challenge is really helping me through. I haven't flipped open my Bible in a really long time, and I love it when I find applicable stuff just waiting to be discovered. It's as if God KNEW I needed some spiritual renewal. Just in time for Christmas.

Holiday Hatred

I’m so jealous of the families that are able to hug and kiss each other like nothing is wrong. I’m so jealous that they all WANT to be home with their families and spend time with each other because they genuinely love each other. I’m so jealous of the families that can spend vacations with each other and legitimately have fun. I can feel the love coming out of these Facebook pictures where they all love each other and celebrate holidays like none other.

Since my parents don’t know how to celebrate the holidays, I feel like none of these breaks I come home to are worth it. I don’t even know what I’m doing tomorrow for Christmas. We don’t even have a damn tree up, and I don’t think my parents have bought any gifts. None of us bought anything for each other. The only person who got anything for anyone was me giving my sister earrings because I felt bad that she constantly gives me things and I never get her anything. Because she’s literally the only person in my family I can tolerate and love. My god, tears are streaming down my face.

I hate being in this family so god damn much. We’re so messed up and I hate it back at home. I hate that we can never express anything to each other but pure hatred and the lack of tolerance for each other. I want to be that typical family who can love each other during the holidays and wear uncomfortably ugly sweaters with each other. Just ONCE I want a nice family picture with a Christmas tree and gifts underneath. And the gifts given not because we’re expected to, but because we want to.

Sometimes, I really just want to run away and stay with my godfamily for a while. They legitimately love each other and they always spend the holidays with each other. They have this family bond that you can see from the outside at every angle. You can tell they do everything together and love each other unconditionally. They all know each others birthdays and celebrate it with one another. My god damn mother didn’t even remember when my birthday was until my godmother brought it up. Shows how messed up my family is.

I hate it here. I hate my family. I hate being home. I just want to go back to Northeastern. THAT’S where my REAL family is. That’s where everybody I love is. That’s where I plan on being for the next four and a half years, and maybe even longer because that’s how much I hate being back home. If everybody were back on campus right now, I would go back in a heartbeat.

Reflections on the First Semester of Freshman Year

It's definitely been a ride transitioning from Senior Year of HS to Freshman Year of College. There's been so much to adjust to, from a completely different social life to a completely different learning style.

Social Life
I definitely stressed this a lot more than I should've in the beginning of the year. I knew that if I didn't find my group of friends NOW, I'd never have an accepting group that'll feel the same as the ones that start in the beginning of the year. I constantly jumped group to group trying to find a group of friends that would accept me for who I am. I constantly got paranoid every time they had something planned but never told me about it. I forgot that friendships required a two-way street, but fortunately, those friendships didn't last long anyway. Waiting around for them to text me wasn't worth it. Eventually, like all things in God's hands, everything fell into place; I found my group of friends, and I was able to focus on grades more which led to a dramatic increase in my test scores.

Learning Styles
What also struck me hard was the fact that professors aren't going to be holding your hand throughout the semester making sure you knew everything. They weren't going to set out an entire hour just to go over practice final questions during class when there was tons of material to cover. That's why they have office hours. Unfortunately, I did not see the usefulness of office hours until the last week of classes when finals started rolling around, but at least next semester will be a lot easier.

I feel like now that I have a solid base of friends and support that I need, I have everything I need to succeed for college. I know who my roommates are going to be next year. I have the best "best friend" I could ever ask for, being that I haven't had a close friendship like this since elementary school. And I feel like throughout my struggle adjusting to college, I realized that there's a reason why God put me here. There's a reason why I got such an amazing scholarship opportunity at a pretty good school. I'm at a nice comfortable pace in my work, I'm not working as hard as my friends in other schools, and I'm enjoying the city life so much. It's awesome!

I love being closer to my sister both physically and socially. It's awesome that I get to visit her every so often (every other week?) and just be able to catch up with each other in her cozy apartment with a huge bed, even if it just means watching a movie and

I love my mentor and what she's done for me, both in guiding me in the food adventures and knowing how to calm me down during my ridiculously anxious control-freak days.

Thanks to everyone who helped guide me through my first semester as a freshman in college, whether it be through tumblr replies or just simple texts of encouragement. Couldn't have done it without you guys :)

Trying to be Someone Who I'm Not

The one thing that somebody once told me not to do during college was to try and be someone who I'm not; but that's exactly what I did. I'm not gonna lie; I experimented with multiple things like alcohol and smoking since I've been here and needless to say, they're not exactly things I enjoy. I try and do these things to socialize and get to know the people around me, but almost every time, I never enjoy it as much I do staying at friend's apartment playing card games or board games. I feel like I'm constantly trying to do things that I was never able to do in high school, because they were things my parents would never allow. But now I realize that there are good reasons why I didn't. It's just simply something that I, as an individual, do not do.

Now the question is if I'm going to continue doing these "bad" things and continue being somebody I'm not. Honestly, I don't really know. I don't know if people consider me as a person who parties now, or if they still have this facade of me as not a party person. I constantly got the phrase "I didn't think you were that type of person" at parties but that's exactly it: I'm not. I guess I'll just go at whatever comes to me and remember to always be responsible for my actions.

Reflections on a 365

Looking at other friends' flickrs makes me so inspired by the level of artistic ability within their cameras. I always admire it and hope to one day be able to capture something just as beautiful just as well ast they did. Perhaps I'm underestimating the capability of my standard Nikon lens can do and am not making full use of it. Either way, I looked at some past pictures on my flickr and realized some sort of progression: the level of editing on my pictures.

Ever since I (illegally) downloaded Adobe Lightroom, I've been loving the editing process more and more. Sometimes, I'm in a rush to edit the pictures and just lazily press "auto" on the lighting and whatnot, but sometimes I like playing around with the colors and the brush that is being used. I love what the program allows me to do and it definitely helps out with things that my camera can't do alone without the computer.

I can't wait until I have electives available to me. I'm definitely going to take digital photography and learn so much more than I already do on my own. I learned so much just from the experience of others as well as the internet, but at this point, I just feel limited by the size of the camera and the lack of aperture in my lenses. I want to be able to experiment with expensive lenses and learn how to fully use Lightroom instead of just pressing "auto". Too bad this won't happen until my fourth year here at Northeastern.

Studying in the Morning

I guess you could call me a morning person. I love silent and quiet mornings when nobody's awake and all you can hear is the tranquil clicks of your keyboard or the wrinkling of the most recent textbook you spit hot water all over from laughter in the library. Nobody's awake at this hour because it would be absolutely absurd for somebody to wake up this early for any reason but to go to church, and by this time, they're already gone and I'm just left alone in this dorm room.

Still, of the people who are still in the dorm, nobody is awake. No lights are on except for my desk light, waiting for my organic chemistry textbook to be cracked open for some sort of intelligent realization in combining organic compounds with multiple reactants; magically both in the chemical way and in my brain processes. I guess I should start studying if nobody's going to bother me at this hour. Get as much studying done as I possibly can while everybody's asleep.

Office Hours

I walked into the Math department today to look for some peer tutoring on a question I had on a calculus problem. But since these tutors are all so accelerated, they don't remember anything from Calculus 2. I went to three different tutors and none of them knew how to do the questions.

As I was walking through the hallway on my way down, I bumped into my calc professor and spontaneously walked into his office asking him for help. I don't even know if he had office hours then, but he was wiling to help. He was so much more helpful than the other tutors and I don't even understand why I didn't go earlier. It's kind of a shame that I realized this now and today was the last day of class. It's almost useless...

He was a great professor though. It's hard to find a good calculus teacher, and Professor Lupi was it. I can confidently say that I will be able to do pretty well on the final exam on Monday.

On a more current note, in terms of church hopping... I went to CCFC (Cambridge Community Fellowship Church) and I really love the people there. They all seem so friendly and warm, and they're all in the exact age range I'm comfortable around. Granted, I haven't met them all yet, but I'm really excited too and I feel really comfortable that I'll be able to know all of them soon enough. Except I'm not exactly sure how the ethics play out in this situation. I feel like the other church I'm deciding between (BCEC) is SO CLOSE to my church's theology that it's just a no-brainer. It just feels TOO MUCH like my home church so I don't really want that. I've decided against Citylife only because I feel like it's so inconvenient. I can't make it to CG or FNF so I wouldn't be able to form any sort of community there, and the messages don't really hit me as hard as other speaker's messages do. It's just not the right church for me at the moment...

What Am I Looking For?

My godbrother and I were having some small talk before our Thanksgiving dinner and we were talking about churches that I was thinking of attending in Boston. Being that he was a graduate of Gordon, also nearby Boston, he was able to relate to all the different churches that I was looking at. But he asked one striking question that is still coming up in my head constantly since that conversation: What are you looking for in a church?

Honestly, I really don't know. I feel like when I attend the church, I'll feel like this is the church that's right for me. I did that for colleges, can't I do that for churches as well? It occurred to me that the Feeling side of my ENFJ personality has been overcoming the Thinking part. Maybe I need a checklist of everything that I'm looking for in a church.

After some thinking, I guess what I'm looking for is a church with a tight knit community; one with people that could help keep me accountable with my regular church attendance, and one with older mentors that can help guide me through college and all my problems, if I ever have any. I think I already have one really high up on my list, but I don't know whether thats because I've already established a group of friends there or because God really wants me there. I guess, like a sister told me, I just have to pick a church and stick to it.

Community

In the beginning of the year, I had a sort of resentment towards going to Intervarsity every week. There was no point in going to large group every Monday if they were simply going to reiterate the gospel to me for the 28967104819th time in my life for the newcomers who were nonexistent. Yet, I constantly saw the same people go to IV every week and never understood why.

Lately at IV, we’ve been talking about family and how our group of students that make up IV at Northeastern is our family on campus. When we have any troubles, we open up to other brothers and sisters in hopes that they would encourage us and/or help us out. After a few more weeks of banging this material into our heads (which is a great topic i’m not gonna lie), it’s finally pushed through to my understanding of what IV truly is.

I now know why these people constantly show up every week. It’s not that they’re there to hear the gospel for the umteenth time in their life. It’s because the people in IV are family. We go so that we are able to fellowship with other Christians so that we may continue living as Christians and loving God. We go so that we have a sense of community and family-like values.

It’s only my second month here at Northeastern and I feel like I’ve known everybody at Intervarsity for years now. I feel like I’m so much closer to everybody in the group, whereas on the first day, I didn’t know anybody’s names. It feels so good to know that we’re connected not just by religion but by simple commonalities like longboarding or photography. The IV family is so open and loving and I’m glad that I can always go to an older sister or brother for advice on things like finding a church here in Boston or even how to pass my next orgo test. I’ve found my family here in Boston: my support, my friends, my community.

What Gets You Up Every Morning?

What do you live for?
Some say friends, family, grades, school.

When I first went about this question, the first thing that popped into my mind was calculus. If you constantly follow my series of Facebook statuses, you would know that calculus is the bane of my existence. Why is it the one thing that gets me up in the morning? It doesn't even get me through the day, and it's the last thing I think about every week.

Reevaluating my answer, I would choose a more general term: success.

I said calculus because I need to be at every class so that I could understand everything that goes on in that class. I want to understand everything so that I could get a good grade on my quizzes and pull up my D grade from the previous midterm. I don't want any grade below a C and I don't want to retake any courses. I just want to do well so that I could get a good co-op and succeed in everything I do. Granted, I would not be able to succeed in EVERYTHING, but I want to at least put in the effort.

The worst part is when I study for hours on end and somebody else who barely studies and barely goes to class gets a better grade than me. THAT kills me. I constantly compare myself to others, and I set my goals so that I could beat the slackers and my efforts can be shown through my grades.

I'm in constant need to succeed.

In the Beginning

God created the Heavens and the Earth
Everything that we have, that we’re provided with, God made and gave to us. This whole entire Earth, with every living creature to each and every complicated cell in our body. I can’t help but be amazed by how in every aspect of science, whether it be chemistry, biology, astrology, or even geology, God leaves his fingerprint there. There’s no way an explosion could have left something so complicated, so amazing. Even when we think about how much there is left to learn; Think about how much time is spent in med school simply memorizing everything there is to know about the body. But that’s not even all of it. Can you imagine how every cell communicates with another? It all works out in some complicated manner that even mankind cannot explain. There’s no way anything but God made it that way.

What a majestic God. What an amazing God.


God created man in his own image
When Adam and Eve were created, God created them out of love. He commands them not to eat of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. Yet, man still goes against God’s word and eats of the tree. As he does that, he doesn’t just let sin enter the world. He let fear enter the world. Originally, they weren’t afraid of people judging one another. We were meant to be frolicking about the Garden of Eden in our nakedness with God. We were meant to live with no shame. But after Adam eats of the fruit, he realizes he is naked and sews together fig leaves to try and cover his nakedness up.

Our world is driven by fear. We’re afraid of dying, afraid of failure, afraid of what’s to come… Adam was afraid of being exposed. We’re afraid of being exposed and having people around us see that flaw in us. We’re afraid of shame and condemnation.

God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them
Even after Adam betrayed the only command God gave him, to not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, God still showed them compassion and love. He tells them to remove their fig leaves and made garments from the animals that he created and covered their nakedness. That way, he was able to cover Adam and Eve’s fear. It was love.

In the same way, God also tells us to remove our fig leaves. We need to uncover our fears that we try to hide from God and from everyone around us, and we allow God to come and cover us. We allow God to be our provider and protect us from all the attacks from the world around us. He clothes us in Jesus’s garments and tells us “Do not be afraid. I am with you” so that we can now stand before him and the world, unashamed. It is love.

——-

So many things ran through my mind at Intervarsity retreat. It was the last night where everything clicked together in place and I couldn’t even vocally describe what was going in my mind. Everything was just so amazing and I was in awe of how amazing God truly is. I looked at myself, and I kept thinking of all the flaws I had. I made a post previously about how I’m the most selfish judgmental person in the world, and listed out every reason why anybody would hate me. My fear, my reason for why I had covered myself in fig leaves was the fear of being alone. I didn’t want people to run away from me because of my flaws. I didn’t want anybody to leave me alone. I was afraid to be alone. I am afraid of being alone.

Time and time again, Jack would tell me, “it’s okay. You have God” but I always treated it with a grain of salt. God could never help me feel like I’m physically talking to anybody. I could never relate and have an actual conversation with him. It wasn’t the same as talking to someone like my suitemate. Oh how wrong I was.

I spent all this free time where I just talk to people because that’s how I like to waste time. I never once spent it to reflect on God’s word and spend it with him. I never once turned my focus towards him. I knew he was upset, I knew I was a bad Christian, but I still went on with it. The fact that a God so majestic as he, can look past all my flaws and still love me despite the fact that I treat him like crap was so hard to grasp. I started bawling because I never once recognized how truly amazing God’s love was. I always sing of it in praise songs, but it never really hit me until retreat.

After that weekend, everything just fell into place. I had everything I needed: I had the right support system, I had the right people around me, and I loved the fact that everyone just watched out for one another. I’m starting to do devotions with my suitemates and we’re going to keep each other accountable in Bible reading and prayer. I’m really excited to see how much we’ll grow spiritually. Living with these girls is such a blessing and I’m so glad I’m finally going to have someone to force me to spend time with God despite my laziness.

Everything is turning out well and I’ve never been more spiritually replenished.

Because of grace
Because of His mercy
I stand here unashamed

Church Reflection

I've been church hopping the past few weeks and i've been very unsuccessful with finding a church that I'm comfortable with. Perhaps it's because I don't know what I want. I want good theology, but I want good application at the same time. I want a good speaker that can keep me intrigued, but I want him to be preaching like he knows everything like the back of his hand. I want good music, but I want the praise team to be careful in what music they choose. Frankly, I'm not even satisfied with my own home church sometimes, but I still go. Maybe that's the same scenario with everyone else. They find a church, make a lot of friends, and stay in that church the whole time they're here in college.

Today's church was the one that I knew the most people in, but the "good" pastor who everyone loves wasn't there because he's at some conference in South Africa. The senior pastor who spoke wasn't a great speaker, the music wasn't amazing and it didn't really help me reflect, and standing next to a tone deaf person who was constantly sharp didn't help with the experience either. It was very similar to my church in terms of beliefs, people, schedule, etc. but I'm always out there searching for some kind of flaw in something.

Perhaps I need to open my eyes and stop being so fickle about my choices. There is absolutely no way I can find a church that's PERFECT, but I just need to find a place that will help me grow spiritually. I still have 2 churches to check out in the next coming weeks, and I'll probably be visiting some of the other churches I went to and liked for a second time. Hopefully I'll find my fit soon.

YouTube Your Story

Oh who's that? THAS RIGHT. THATS WONGFU PRODUCTIONNNNSSSSS!! I've been wanting to meet them since like, FIVE years ago when they did their FIRST East coast tour, and today was my chance. Kappa Phi Lambda at NEU arranged an amazing show featuring all the Asian American YouTube stars like KevJumba, NigaHiga, WongFu Productions and they basically did what they did at ISA except this time, there actually was a meet and greet, and KNOWING PEOPLE MAKES IT 100 TIMES BETTER.

Thankfully, I have the bestest mentor EVER who's in KPL so she was able to get me front row seats to the show so I could get great pictures (that you can find on Facebook). I kind of feel bad for leaving all my friends, but seriously, who WOULDN'T pass up that chance?? I was one of the first few to go up there and take pictures with them, but none of the kappas knew how to use a DSLR -___-; so I kind of got crap group photos, but I'm just glad I got to finally MEET all of them. SO GLAD I came to Northeastern. LET THE JEALOUSY BEGIN!

Sorry, pointless post.

Blog for Water

Water.


We never think about it. It's always within reach and nothing ever goes wrong with it. You're sick? Drink water. You're thirsty from a long run? Drink water. We take water for granted.

Water is such an essential part of our lives. We need it to thrive and live, yet a billion people in the world don't even have access to it. Women have to travel over 20 miles just to get access to drinking water, but who says it's safe? It could be thriving of water-bourne illnesses like salmonella, e-coli, cholera, hepatitis A, and many others. So tell me again, why isn't safe drinking water a human right?




A simple donation can make all the difference. Charity: water is an organization that focuses on getting clean water to as many people in the world as possible. They donate 100% of their money to building wells so that villages can get safe drinking water. $20 can give clean water to a person for over 20 years. So maybe instead of spending that $20 on your next sushi outing that can only last one meal, why don't you spend that $20 to save a person's life?

This year, I'm donating my birthday once again. I don't want any presents for my birthday. All I want is for you to donate to charity: water so that people all around the world can get access to safe drinking water. The campaign page will be put up sometime in November. Please keep this idea safe in your heart and pray for those in need. Pray that people will start opening up their eyes to things other then global warming and poverty. Pray that this water may be beneficial to their bodies and to their growth. Water is a global crisis and it is in need of international awareness. Spread the word.

My Worst Fear

is losing something close to me, whether that's my camera that was a month's worth of experiences and moments I'll never be able to capture again, or my $2,000 macbook that my parents are never going to want to replace.

But what I'm even more afraid of isn't materialistic. It's something worth so much more and that is a friendship. I'm terribly afraid of being TOO clingy to some people, and I'm terribly afraid of what they are going to think of me. If I send a text to a friend and they don't text me back for a while, WILD THINGS go through my mind. Do they hate me? Do they think I'm annoying? Maybe they're just busy at the moment and can't answer my text. Are they even worth worrying over? I'm just so ridiculously paranoid that I'm going to be left alone with no friends and nobody who cares about me. I'm so scared of being alone. That's why I constantly surround myself with people all the time. I hate staying in my room and being antisocial. If I'm not out and about surrounding myself with people, I'm in my room surrounding myself with something else like flute or chemistry.

I'm monophobic.

Has texting the same person for over 3 months skewed my outlook on friendships? I was always so paranoid about WHEN he would text back, WHAT he would text, WHAT he was doing instead of texting me. I keep thinking that everybody else is exactly like him and I keep worrying about WHEN that particular friend would text back and WHAT they were doing instead of texting me. But I'm always so afraid to be TOO clingy that they'll start hating me and run away from me.

I just want to be friends :C

Things I Learned While Being Back at Home

There's a reason why I moved away from home
On Saturday afternoon when I was out with my friends, my mother called me to rebuke me for not calling her to tell her I was not at home. She basically went on a rant about how even though I'm at home, I should still be spending time with her and my dad. I'm sorry I'm using my time wisely and hanging out with friends when YOU'RE CLEARLY AT WORK. -___-;

Today, I went to watch a movie with my parents and after the movie my dad kept asking me questions about how Facebook could possibly make so much money if they don't charge anybody for the services. He kept asking me irrelevant questions like, where my sister was, what she was doing, how her weekend was. I DON'T KNOW. I'M NOT A STALKER SORRY. "Oh, I thought you knew EVERYTHING"

I should spend every long weekend back in Boston
There's nothing at home except for friends to visit. I have no clothes here, no resources, nothing to study, nothing to even WASH myself with (or at least the stuff that I usually use). There was absolutely no point in me coming back home. I kept complaining nonstop about how I wish I were back in Boston. All my friends at the moment are there, and everything I could possibly ask for is there. I'm missing out on everything.-- My AASIA family is throwing a party at one of the mentor's apartments and I'm not even going to be there.

I seriously cannot stand my life back in NYC. I know it sounds terrible to say, but I have nothing here. Sure there are some friends, but there are friends back in Boston as well--people that I'm going to spend the next 5 years with.

Staying in Boston for Summer break next year and becoming an Orientation Leader sounds like an amazing option at the moment.

I'm A Morning Person

In the past, I wouldn't consider myself one. I hated waking up in the morning and getting ready and I was almost always grouchy whenever anybody spoke to me. But being in college really made me realize that I am in fact, a morning person.

But Why?
I love the quietness of the morning. Nobody's awake yet and the sun is just starting to peek out of the horizon. The darkness and stillness of the day break is probably the best part of my day and if anything, makes me most awake and ready for the rest of the day.

There was this one morning that I absolutely hated, and it was the morning of my roommate's Biology exam. She has bio at 8am in the morning, so once my alarm rang for 7am, she jumped out of bed, flipped on the lights, and started studying. That morning, I wasn't able to surround myself with the dark-almost morning light, and all tranquility was lost in a flick of a switch. I hated that she was awake the same time I was and I hated that she was taking up my personal space and time that I loved in the morning. I was used to her sleeping in every morning, with no desire to get up and go to her class on time. That morning was ruined.

I'm still trying to figure out why it took me until college to realize that I'm a morning person. I'm not exactly the most energetic at 7am in the morning, but I'm not the grouchy life-hating person in the corner either. I muster up enough energy to put a smile on my face, and with that, the rest of my day is set.

AASIA Mentorship Retreat 2010

Two months ago I received a pamphlet for this program called AASIA (Asian American Students in Action) where freshmen get paired up with mentors that can help them transition into college life more easily. At first, I doubted the program. I was in this "high school mentality" where I thought this program was for people who couldn't make their own friends and full of losers. Needless to say, I still signed up for it simply because I love filling out applications (not being sarcastic). I didn't know what to expect and I didn't know if I was going to even attend the meetings at all. When the day of the information session came, I decided to go since my friends were also going. Since I was already at the information session, I gave in and filled out an interest application so they could pair us up with some kind of mentor. Only a certain number of people who could be paired up with somebody were allowed into the program. However, we wouldn't know whether we got into the program or not until later on in the week.

Some people from Intervarsity I had met were mentors in the program and told me really great things. Thankfully, because of them, I wasn't dreading the program so much anymore. I was excited to be notified whether I'd been paired up with somebody or not. When Thursday came, I was notified that I had been admitted into the program. Part of the program is this mandatory retreat that we have to attend for one weekend. One of the mentors warned us not to miss it. "If you miss it, you're going to feel so out of the loop because you didn't spend over forty hours with everybody when everyone else did." This past weekend was the retreat and I have never been more satisfied with my choice in being in this program.

The first night, we were paired up with our mentors and introduced to our family members. Right off the bat, I already loved not just everybody in my family but everybody in the program. Everyone just looked so down to earth and friendly, and they really were! We played so many ice breaker games and group games that were so much fun and it really got me to learn more about everybody. We worked together in groups to climb over a 12 foot wall, we worked together to get 20 people onto a 2.5ftx2.5ft platform, we trusted each other when another partner was blindfolded, we listened to each other as we worked as a team to help get things done. It was such an awesome time and I got to know so many people over a course of 2 nights and 3 days. We ended our last night there with a much needed campfire with songs, shows, smores, scary stories, singing, and star gazing.

This past weekend couldn't have been better. I don't regret going to the retreat instead of staying home and studying for orgo all weekend one bit. I love my family, I love the mentors and mentees. And I honestly can not remember the last time I've laughed so hard, nor can I remember the last time I forgot all the cares about the world around me. It felt like a dream, but I have the pictures to prove that it happened.

This year is going to be a wonderful year. I can feel it.

WHY YES I AM INDEED BACK

Tumblr became too casual for me and nobody really reads the super long posts anymore (besides Jack).

I've also decided that you guys really need to know what's happening with me in college and keep tabs on me, so I'm back so you guys can be nosey and stalk me forever.

just so you know, I'M DOING GREAT AND COLLEGE IS AWESOME.

Everything that has happened this past month is probably the best thing that's ever happened to me

Leaving him behind
Talking to him became an addiction and eventually, that's all I cared about. I didn't care about the friends around me. I didn't care if I was disrespecting anybody for texting him all the time and not talking to my friends face-to-face. I always was in contact with him 24/7 and knew what he was doing every minute of the day. Eventually, I talked to him more than I talked to God and my spiritual life went down the drain. I was afraid to come back to God because that would mean giving this boy up because he wasn't Christian and he wasn't good for me spiritually. I couldn't do that and so, I decided to put him over God. Every single 365 picture or any general picture on my tumblr became any text from him. It was BAD.

I know that him falling for another girl was probably all part of God's plan. It was necessary for me to go back to God and refocus my priorities. Him leaving me was the best thing that's ever happened to me, and even though sometimes I miss having somebody to text 24/7, a human being is never as reliable as God.

Leaving my home church
I've grown too complacent in my home church. I didn't feel like I was growing and I was simply going so nobody could ask me "WHERE WERE YOU LAST WEEK??" I simply went to hang out with friends and nothing I learned in services processed in my head. I felt like I knew all the answers, but I was just too lazy to apply it all.

After I moved to Boston, I was forced outside of my comfort zone. I was in an entirely new world with nobody I knew and no support group directly behind me. You would think that I would rebel and do all those "NON CHRISTIAN" things like partying, drinking, etc. because nobody was watching, but I think it forced me to turn to God more than it did to turn from God. I knew that the people I would meet wouldn't be completely reliable and at that point I didn't have a group of friends I was comfortable with and could always be with at all times. But I just remembered that no matter how lonely it can be, God is always there. He's constantly working in my life, and it's been more and more prominent as I'm living here on my own.

Intervarsity started up on Monday and I've never felt better. I went to Freshman Small Group on Wednesday and met some really cool sophomores that seem really open to meeting us and helping us feel more comfortable at IV. Today (Thursday), we had this thing called Catalyst, which is basically a small group of people from IV who come together once a week to do praise and prayer. It felt REALLY nice. Even though I didn't know about 75% of the people in the room, we were all worshiping the same God as one church. I knew, that at that point, God had put me in the right place. I had found my place of belonging and I met these people for a reason.

Even the churches here in Boston are amazing. It's time for me to go to a multi-ethnic church instead of a primarily Asian based church. Citylife is amazing and the speaker really makes me think. I'm checking out a new church called Reunion with some people from IV this Sunday, and probably going back to Citylife for a second visit--yes that is indeed two churches in one day. I'm really excited to see how much I will spiritually mature in college.

I've never felt more confident about why I'm here in THIS college on THIS road with THESE people before. Thank God.