I just spent the last 13 hours of my life studying organic chemistry NONSTOP

And you know what? I'm perfectly okay with it. I can live forever stressing myself over chemistry, and I wouldn't even care because it's something that I love and it ironically gives me some sort of THERAPY.

Last time I did something this crazy, I studied EQUILIBRIUM for AP chem for over 8 hours, nonstop with no television and only stopping to eat, just so I can fully understand it and get a good grade on the test. This time, I locked myself up in the basement with 10 other people studying organic chemistry nonstop with no facebook, no rest, and only stopping for coffee and food. It was continuous, time flew, and I'm perfectly okay. I feel some sort of accomplishment, and I really wanted to learn. It was like a natural drive for chemistry, which is exactly why I'm a chemistry major.

Every single time I go about a certain part of organic chemistry that I don't understand, I question my choice in majoring in chemistry at all. But it's times like these where I learn why I chose chemistry in the first place. And then I ask myself, "what else would you major in?" and I seriously could not tell you. I don't know what else I could be doing besides chemistry.

Why Education?

I've been asked that a lot ever since I officially declared that I would be pursuing an education minor. Sometimes, I say that it's because I can't see myself doing research for the rest of my life. Other times I ask myself the same exact question and don't know how to answer. But I think it's about time that I blogged about it so that I have something to look back on in case I ever do question my choice in my future career path.

I chose education because I love talking.
I'm a pretty extroverted person. There are times when I do need time to myself, but I can't be alone by myself for the rest of my life. I can't work in a lab and be antisocial and NOT talk to people. I need social interaction to live, to thrive, and to pursue. What better job to never stop talking than to be a teacher?
Through my social interaction, I want to be able to influence my students to do what they love. I know that some students will absolutely HATE chemistry while others may fall in love with it. But hopefully through all the struggles that we will go through to try and reach the endpoint, I'll be able to influence my students' future career plans and goals. I want to mentor students and get them to strive for higher goals and higher expectations. I want to see my students succeed right before my eyes and know that without our hard work, this would have never happened.

I chose education because I love teaching.
I live for that lightbulb moment. When a tutoree comes in not knowing or understanding anything, and suddenly comes to realization of how a certain formula or idea works... yeah. that. I want to make sure that every student understands what I teach and what indicates a definite success in teaching is when they begin to apply what they learn in the classroom outside of the classroom. When gas laws no longer pertain to just PV=nRT but also to soda bottles and balloons. When you begin to see the molecules that interact with one another in nature. When you begin to have a fuller understanding of the subject off the paper, and into real life, that's when you know you're successful.

but most of all, I chose education because I don't want to stop learning
Ironic, isn't it? As an educator, the students should always be first priority. If they don't understand something, you change yourself. You change your teaching style to match theirs, you look at their socioeconomic background and work around it, you lower your standards to meet them at a point and help lift them up from there, you go learn about their family and what can possibly affect their learning. It's not just about what happens in the classroom, nor is it always the students' fault for not understanding something, or even acting up. You change yourself so that the student learns at his/her full potential, and when the student learns, he/she learn how to better themselves and better their communities.

I want to close by inserting a quote from my EDU111 term paper, because I honestly couldn't have worded it any better.

Teaching had always been the last career choice on my list. I wanted go to medical school after I graduate and become a doctor. If that did not work out, I would do research in a lab and find some new drug that can cure some kind of disease. Finally if all of that fell through, I would teach high school chemistry and educate the minds of our future leaders. I chose to take education as an elective because I knew it would be somewhat practical in my future summer jobs as a tutor, and took the course thinking that I would learn how to teach young minds. However, throughout the course, I learned that there is so much more to teaching than just a simple outline or teaching plan. It was being sensitive to what these students’ lives are outside of the school. It’s funny though. I did mention that throughout my service learning, I constantly thought of what my teachers did wrong in terms of teaching, but I have never thought of how much I complained as a student saying, “they think we don’t have lives outside of this classroom”. Yet, I never took this idea into account on the opposite side as a teacher. Education in the Community revealed this idea to me. The course itself did not hold up to my expectations, because my expectations were completely incorrect and did not match up to what the course is truly about. The course is about integrating worldly views, cultural views, community views, family views, and students’ views into education and using these to become a successful teacher off of those ideas. It is about being a teacher, willing to be educated about the students so that we can better their experience and put them first. It is about learning creative ways to take what they are learning from textbooks and showing them what they can do to better the world and better their community. We, as teachers, need to put our best foot forward as educators so that we can motivate future minds that can hopefully change the world. I can now proudly say that teaching is the first and only career choice on my list now.

I'm handing in my official petition as an Education minor next week and I don't care what anybody says about my career choice. I don't care if I have the potential to be a doctor, or the potential to make hundreds of thousands of dollars as an annual salary. Because to me, teaching is not just a job. It is my passion, my mission, and my identity.

The Pursuit of Happiness: 15 Lessons to Keep in Mind

Just something I stumbled upon:

1. The only person that can ever truly make you happy is yourself. Stop depending on everyone else.

2. People lie, stuff happens. Don’t take it too personally.

3. Want people to think you’re amazing? Start believing you are, and then they will too.

4. Smiling is the ultimate anti-depressant. Smile and laugh out loud, it doesn’t look stupid, I promise.

5. The world is never just black and white, right or wrong, one way or another. Try and see things from as many points of view as possible.

6. "Let everything happen to you
Beauty and terror
Just keep going
No feeling is final"
— Rainer Maria Rilke

7. Have empathy.

8. Gossip, problems of the past, events you cannot control, negative thoughts and negative people; time spent on these is time poorly wasted.

9. When you're jealous or find yourself filled with hate for someone/something, stop. The only person its hurting is you.

10. Although the newest, most expensive material things may make you feel as if you’re a better person, they won’t hold you at night or listen to you when you need it. Make sure your priorities make sense.

11. Step outside your comfort zone- it’s when you’ll really feel alive.

12. Don’t be afraid to be yourself, the people who really matter, don’t mind

13. Let your emotions out sometimes, humans have them for a reason.

14. Celebrate the things you have. Think only positively of the things you don’t (but would like to have) and they too will come.

15. Love unconditionally ♥.

I'm going to miss being a freshman

I’m going to miss being the center of attention, and I’m going to miss being invited to everything. It’s almost like an obligation for upperclassmen to treat us to things. I’m going to miss being treated like a youngin’, like I don’t know anything. But I guess it would be nice to finally treat new freshmen that way. I’m kind of excited actually.

My last day of classes was today, and honestly, so much has happened my freshman year, I can’t even keep track. I found the best group of friends I could ever ask for. I learned so much more about myself. I finally healed from past scars and got over a stupid boy. I found a church. I figured out what I want to do with my life. And all in all, I got closer to God in so many different ways.

Leaving home was the best thing that I could ever ask from myself. I had grown too comfortable in NYC and Boston just gave so much thrill and spiritual growth. I was thrown into situations that I could only depend on God for, which I am so glad about, and I had the best mentors that I could ever ask for to help guide me to where I am today. My first year has come and gone and I could not have asked for it to be any better. The people that I have developed relationships with and chose to surround myself with were purposely put in my life for a reason and I am so thankful. I’m excited for next year to come and I hope to give each and every freshman I know the same experience; hopefully even leading them to Christ. I guess that will be a goal that I would want to accomplish by the end of the Spring 2012, but of course, all in God’s time.

On GIGs

I started joining this weekly small group meeting thing that InterVarsity holds called "Group Investigating God". Initially, I didn't really like it all that much. The people in it weren't interesting and the discussion wasn't too lively. Every time a question was asked, the typical Sunday School answers would come up. But as time on, awkwardness and tensions decreased and the discussions became more serious, more intellectual, and more applicable.

Last Thursday was our second to last meeting, and it's revealed a lot to me. First off, a group reading God's word can reveal a lot more than an individual reading God's word. When we read our passages, each one of us got a different message from the passage even though we were all reading the same thing. Secondly, I SUCK at admitting I don't know anything, simply because I've been in a teaching/leadership position my whole entire high school life. Being questioning and doubtful was not a characteristic that I could carry with me in that role. As the weeks passed by, more and more question marks appeared on my sheet and it's all thanks to the wonderful people in my group who are able to confidently say that they are curious as to whatever the passage means.

Too bad the year is coming to a close. I hope to engage in another GIG in the coming semesters. I want to see how I grow, as well as how each and every person in the group grows, just to see how God works in each and every aspect of our lives.

Just gotta remind myself that God only pushes you to your limit. I can still handle this, I can still do this.

I'm flipping out. My control-freak ways are going crazy because of all the challenges that God is presenting me at the moment. But I'm always thankful and grateful for all the mentors that He's placed in my life. I need people to listen to me so I can externally process, but more importantly, I need people who can offer their experiences and their insights. Without them, I would not be sane.

It's kind of funny how God works. I haven't been the most consistent with prayer and Bible reading, but He's basically rocked my world so hard that I HAVE to turn to him. I HAVE to realize how powerless I am, and that I have to give it all up to Him.

I really wish I could sum this up all in a Bible verse right now, but I think the one that I read that led to THIS BLOG POST is pretty morbid and indirect. It wouldn't be very uplifting or encouraging at all; it's more of a "oh, they messed up so I should learn from their mistakes" kind of verse.

If you REALLY want to know, Isaiah 42:23-25. Take note of how much God has control over the events of turmoil to Israel, and thus how God has control over our own personal lives.

Please pray:

• That I will have the patience and willingness to give up everything to God
• That I will make the right decision, while keeping everything I learned at BCEC retreat in mind.
• That the mentors in my life can help guide me in a positive and fulfilling way that can glorify God.
• That God will continue to help Northeastern IV grow, and continue to challenge and every individual in the group.