My Worst Fear

is losing something close to me, whether that's my camera that was a month's worth of experiences and moments I'll never be able to capture again, or my $2,000 macbook that my parents are never going to want to replace.

But what I'm even more afraid of isn't materialistic. It's something worth so much more and that is a friendship. I'm terribly afraid of being TOO clingy to some people, and I'm terribly afraid of what they are going to think of me. If I send a text to a friend and they don't text me back for a while, WILD THINGS go through my mind. Do they hate me? Do they think I'm annoying? Maybe they're just busy at the moment and can't answer my text. Are they even worth worrying over? I'm just so ridiculously paranoid that I'm going to be left alone with no friends and nobody who cares about me. I'm so scared of being alone. That's why I constantly surround myself with people all the time. I hate staying in my room and being antisocial. If I'm not out and about surrounding myself with people, I'm in my room surrounding myself with something else like flute or chemistry.

I'm monophobic.

Has texting the same person for over 3 months skewed my outlook on friendships? I was always so paranoid about WHEN he would text back, WHAT he would text, WHAT he was doing instead of texting me. I keep thinking that everybody else is exactly like him and I keep worrying about WHEN that particular friend would text back and WHAT they were doing instead of texting me. But I'm always so afraid to be TOO clingy that they'll start hating me and run away from me.

I just want to be friends :C