Even when you're doing the one thing you love that gets your mind off of ALL things, THAT'S when you know God has been working.
I was sitting on stage today for my Wind Ensemble Band performance, and while we were playing I just couldn't stop getting these ideas out of my head.
This past weekend, I went up to New Hampshire to go to a BCEC college retreat. The theme was Calling, Career, Companionship, and Christ. There's nothing I can really say to truly sum up the whole entire experience, but I think I noticed early on in the retreat why exactly I was there.
Ever since I've started going to BCEC, I've been able to apply the teachings that are being given every Sunday even without me consciously knowing. That's God working. I've been able to see God working in my everyday life and I've been able to identify areas in my life in which I need to get to know God more. But I don't think I've ever thought about my future career/life goals and incorporated God as part of it. I always joke around that I'm going to go to medical school for a year, find a mate, drop out, and marry the doctor. But where's God in this picture? Okay, the doctor could be a strong Christian man, who's attractive and faithful; but what about my career goals? What about my passions?
Yes, marrying a doctor isn't REALLY what I want to do with my life (although that'd be nice). I need to strive for a mission in which I work to solve what burdens me the most. I should be like Nehemiah and go for something that I could constantly be in prayer about, and constantly think about, so much so that I'd drastically change my life just for that purpose alone. I have to admit, I don't really know what my burden is, but until then, I'm going to be a Christian teacher UNTIL I hear my calling. I mean, maybe teaching IS my calling and I just don't know yet, but in time, God will reveal himself to me; not just through career goals, but with companionship as well. I just have to be so completely in love with Jesus that I'm content with the richness of having a relationship with Him. If I do that, somebody who I can meld my mission with, who I can devote myself to and go through the good and the bad with, will come in due time. But I mean, who says I can't be blessed with the gift of singleness?
God definitely revealed a lot to me, and it kept me questioning which is always a good sign. We're probably going to debrief in small groups later this week, so I'm really looking forward to that. May He continue to work in all of our hearts and continue revealing himself throughout our daily/future decision making.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Friday, March 11, 2011
On Burdens and Frustrations
Here it is, the long awaited blog post on my extraordinary Spring Break trip to New Orleans. And when I mean extraordinary, I mean mind blowing, life changing, ground breaking stuff. It was an AMAZING experience that I don't regret devoting my only week off this semester to not only change lives in New Orleans but also to change my own life.
Now keep in mind that KRUP is not just a service trip, but an evangelical trip as well. Throughout the week, we were arranged into small groups which were comprised of non believers and believers. The purpose of these small groups will be discussed.
The first day that we spent in New Orleans was definitely spine chilling. I've seen pictures of the disaster that Katrina has brought and I knew that New Orleans still had a long way to go in terms of rebuilding, but I didn't realize how much it needed relief, rebuilding, and restoring. It broke my heart to see so many empty lots in the Lower Ninth Ward, simply because some engineers designed some levies that could break really easily. After seeing this, I had my heart set on rebuilding this city one house at a time. I had made my reason for being there to build houses and rebuild New Orleans. But it wasn't until Tuesday that I realized how wrong I was.
On top of a terrible day at work, I now had to deal with THINKERS (in terms of Myers Briggs) in my small group who were interested more in philosophical and political reasoning for a theoretically perfect world. There were two things wrong with this picture. One, I HATE philosophy and politics. Two, I was already tired and frustrated from work. I just wanted to sleep and this hour long discussion WASN'T HELPING. I hated the fact that I couldn't share anything that I thought. I didn't want to intrude on what the Small Group Leader wanted to say and say the wrong thing so the only thing I COULD do was stay quiet. I felt like because I couldn't help in any way, I was useless and a burden to the group.
It was then that Dennis and Kati, two student leaders from Intervarsity, stepped in and suggested a bunch of us who were already part of Intervarsity to go into group prayer. We needed to pray for the non believers on the trip, and we really just needed spiritual and physical uplifting. It definitely helped remind me that even though I could feel useless and helpless, there's nothing I can do personally to change the other nonbelievers' points of views. It was all God's job to soften their hearts and open their eyes and ears. I did not need to carry this burden of uselessness because it's ALL GOD doing all the work.
After that night, I just felt like a huge weight was taken off my back. Work started getting easier and I had changed my pessimistic perspective to one of optimism and positivity. Small groups were still challenging to work through but it slowly became the highlight of my day. I enjoyed talking to my small group and listening to their ideas and views on certain topics. There was one night when we finally didn't spend hours on just ONE question, but instead broke off to head to bed; but I felt uneasy. My night was not complete without a deep talk. I decided to sit in on another small group's discussion and joined in on what they were discussing. And you know what? I may not have contributed much but I knew God was working and it showed! Relationships were tightened and people grew closer in ways that you could never imagine in a week.
Overall, KRUP was an amazing experience. I took away an experience of a lifetime that changed my life and strengthened my relationship with God. It was a week where I was challenged, but through that learned to trust God and put all my faith in Him. I hope that I will continue to grow in Him as years go on. Even though I've grown up in the church, even though I know how to answer all the questions Bible study leaders throw at me, even though I may know how to answer certain questions in the most perfect way to represent Christianity, there is still so much to learn and so much God can show me. I hope He will continue to open my eyes to these opportunities and give me the courage to throw myself outside of my comfort zone like he did at KRUP.
Now keep in mind that KRUP is not just a service trip, but an evangelical trip as well. Throughout the week, we were arranged into small groups which were comprised of non believers and believers. The purpose of these small groups will be discussed.
The first day that we spent in New Orleans was definitely spine chilling. I've seen pictures of the disaster that Katrina has brought and I knew that New Orleans still had a long way to go in terms of rebuilding, but I didn't realize how much it needed relief, rebuilding, and restoring. It broke my heart to see so many empty lots in the Lower Ninth Ward, simply because some engineers designed some levies that could break really easily. After seeing this, I had my heart set on rebuilding this city one house at a time. I had made my reason for being there to build houses and rebuild New Orleans. But it wasn't until Tuesday that I realized how wrong I was.
On top of a terrible day at work, I now had to deal with THINKERS (in terms of Myers Briggs) in my small group who were interested more in philosophical and political reasoning for a theoretically perfect world. There were two things wrong with this picture. One, I HATE philosophy and politics. Two, I was already tired and frustrated from work. I just wanted to sleep and this hour long discussion WASN'T HELPING. I hated the fact that I couldn't share anything that I thought. I didn't want to intrude on what the Small Group Leader wanted to say and say the wrong thing so the only thing I COULD do was stay quiet. I felt like because I couldn't help in any way, I was useless and a burden to the group.
It was then that Dennis and Kati, two student leaders from Intervarsity, stepped in and suggested a bunch of us who were already part of Intervarsity to go into group prayer. We needed to pray for the non believers on the trip, and we really just needed spiritual and physical uplifting. It definitely helped remind me that even though I could feel useless and helpless, there's nothing I can do personally to change the other nonbelievers' points of views. It was all God's job to soften their hearts and open their eyes and ears. I did not need to carry this burden of uselessness because it's ALL GOD doing all the work.
After that night, I just felt like a huge weight was taken off my back. Work started getting easier and I had changed my pessimistic perspective to one of optimism and positivity. Small groups were still challenging to work through but it slowly became the highlight of my day. I enjoyed talking to my small group and listening to their ideas and views on certain topics. There was one night when we finally didn't spend hours on just ONE question, but instead broke off to head to bed; but I felt uneasy. My night was not complete without a deep talk. I decided to sit in on another small group's discussion and joined in on what they were discussing. And you know what? I may not have contributed much but I knew God was working and it showed! Relationships were tightened and people grew closer in ways that you could never imagine in a week.
Overall, KRUP was an amazing experience. I took away an experience of a lifetime that changed my life and strengthened my relationship with God. It was a week where I was challenged, but through that learned to trust God and put all my faith in Him. I hope that I will continue to grow in Him as years go on. Even though I've grown up in the church, even though I know how to answer all the questions Bible study leaders throw at me, even though I may know how to answer certain questions in the most perfect way to represent Christianity, there is still so much to learn and so much God can show me. I hope He will continue to open my eyes to these opportunities and give me the courage to throw myself outside of my comfort zone like he did at KRUP.
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