ask me

So this afternoon, I was bombarded with questions. No I don't have a boyfriend that everyone wants to know about. No I don't have a rumor spreading about me throughout school (or do I?). Nothing of that sort. I wasn't even questioned by people I know.

So I went to the bathroom at penn station because
1) I forgot to go during 10th pd, and needed to go. Badly.
2) Penn Station's bathroom is actually not that bad. It's one of the only mta public bathrooms I'd ever step foot into.

When I was finished washing my hands, some random woman, a lot older than me, asked me if I had a scrunchie. It was really awkward. Why me out of the other 20 people around you? Why now? WHY DO YOU NEED A SCRUNCHIE? WHY DO YOU CALL IT A SCRUNCHIE? And how did she know I wasn't some chinese tourist with the unability to speak engerish? Why would you ask a stranger for a scrunchie in the first place? How would she know if I had lice or something? Awwwkwarrrdd. So I gave one to her and stood there... awkwardly... was I supposed to stand and wait? Do I wait for her to pay me a dollar? Does she only need it to wash her face really quick? Do I even want it back? I brushed it off and ran away. I have about 5 more scrunchies at home anyway.

After I went to the bathroom, I went out to check what track my train would be at. As I was waiting, some random, normal guy comes up to me and asks me for some change. He was short $3.80 for him to be able to get a ticket to go back home. He asks me for some change. I felt bad for him because he looked really nervous and scared. I gave him 2 dollars when I was nearly broke. Why did I give TWO DOLLARS? It felt really selfish if I only gave him like 50 cents. How did I know if he was just some guy panhandling or if he was a genuine nervous guy short on cash? He kept saying "I swear, im not a bum. I feel so ashamed and ridiculous to do this." Etc etc. So of course, I believed him. I would normally ignore guys like him but I felt really generous. But still, why would he ask me out of all the other 50 businessmen standing around, probably with 100 dollars more than me?

When I got on the train, I was sitting there like any other student. My headphones were on and I was in my own little music world. Suddenly, these people tapped my shoulder and asked if this train was the train to bayside. I answered, "yes". And they were like "okayokay thanks!" but why did they ask me if there were clearly much older people around me that would know a heck of a lot more?

I'm telling you. I definitely had an ASK ME sign over my head in that one hour time period. Was it my innocence labeled by my headphones? Was it because I was some little asian girl that didn't look like I would punch the person in the face? (Which I totally would btw).

Questions...
Maybe it was God.
I did not just give ONE random act of kindness, but rather, THREE today. Im proud of my non-new yorker behavior today.

parents and pets

When I first go Picasso, my dog, my dad was totally against it. He said that we'd be really irresponsible and won't take care of the dog. He was the reason why I didn't have a dog for the past 14 years. But now, my dad is in love with my dog and my dog is in love with him. When I first had the idea of taking care of fish as pets... well, if you read below on sats and parents, you'll know. Now, I constantly find my mom and dad sitting in front of the fish. Its pretty funny. My dog is really jealous and hate the fish with a passion. Hahahaha poor Picasso...

I hate the world. I judge people way too easily. Dammit.

crazy physics teachers and guppies

Is it just me or are all physics teachers terrible? And if they're good at physics, they have a crazy strong accent and don't know how to teach. I'm sitting at mega right now throwing 1k out the window because im not paying attention at all. The physics teacher just talks and talks. Stuy kids know how bad I have it now. Dr Li is teaching now and its ridiculous. I actually have no idea what he's talking about. Meh.

On a brighter note, my fish tank is officially complete although I have a small snail infestation. I bought a hood, air pump, and a pair of guppies. I've found 3 snails so far and killed them all. I shouldn't have bought those plants. There were snail eggs on them... time to buy snail eating fish! I'm planning on getting a brustlenose pleco (those algae eating suckers), maybe a shrimp, and a snail eating catfish. Those guppies will reproduce well enough to keep it populated. I just need to find some fish stores to sell those babies to. I bought an orange red tailed male. It has kind of a pearl colored body. The female has a black tail, but the fry will be of another father. Ho snap! Hahaha. Just another month. I should get a tank separater and a breeding tank. Yummy :)

Asian Parents and SATs

I'm so sick of my dad constantly telling me to work on my SATs. He never talks to me about anything of any importance, and rarely ever even communicates with me. Sure we watch TV together and eat dinner together, but we don't talk. The only time he talks is when he's yelling at me for talking to my friends on AIM. And every time he sees me on aim, he says the same exact thing:

"WHY AREN'T YOU STUDYING FOR YOUR SATS? YOU'RE GOING TO GET INTO A BAD COLLEGE WITH SUCH A BAD SCORE LIKE YOUR SISTER. AND YOU NEED TO GET INTO A GOOD COLLEGE SO YOU CAN HAVE A GOOD JOB".

But I know that this is complete utterly nonsense. Sure a good SAT score may get me into a good college, but it's really not going to get me anywhere. If I'm studying to be a nurse, then why the heck do the hospitals have to care which college I went to? I could simply go to CUNY Hunter and I'd get the same education as someone at Binghamton or even UCLA. The only difference is that it'd just be a boring as heck commute and it'd be like high school all over again. But still. I just came home from 3 grueling hours of ISO Symphony orchestra with the Julliard conductor that stops at every 3 measure, and is a perfectionist. I'm tired as heck and I just want to relax and socialize with my friends of how they thought of ISO. And here my dad is, doing a whole rant on how I'm wasting money on SAT tutoring because I'm not practicing SAT tests.

"Oh prep schools only going to get you a 1700 on your SATs. You need to work hard to get over 2000".

Oh man, it's not even just my dad. My mom has the same problem. She's all like "YOU GOTTA TAKE IT UNTIL YOU'RE OVER 2000. I'm not even complaining if you get a 2350. My standards are 2000"
But my moms less strict about it because we're pretty close and talk about stupid stuff like the stupid people we've met and stuff like that. She understands that I have a life, and I have way too much on my plate already from THREE prep classes (physics mega, english tutoring, and math tutoring) as well as homework from school DURING JUNIOR YEAR. Add onto that, TWO orchestras, both rehearsing for 3 hours TWICE a week. Plus one hour flute classes, AS WELL AS church organization stuff.

Change of topic that's kind of related:
Last weekend I had a sudden urge to take care of fish. I decided to take my godmom's fish tank and use it as my own. When my dad found out, he said "psh, you have time to take care of fish but you don't have time to STUDY FOR SATs???" My mother rolled her eyes at him. She never said anything about me taking care of fish. She smiled and approved. I love my mom.

but yeah. My parents are total opposites and I really wish my dad would stop caring about SAT crap. It's just complete STUPIDITY. He really doesn't understand how much stuff I have to do every week compared to the average high schooler.


But yeah. my fish tank is complete. I just need to get a full hood from the fish store across from my church, and buy guppies to place in my tank, as well as a breeding tank for them preggy girl guppies. :)

Cliques and Groupies

In school, it is typical of us to form groups as soon as possible so we don't need to deal with other people, and we can gossip amongst ourselves without anyone else knowing. I however, was pretty reserved in freshman year and did not form a group with anybody. I was super judgmental (at least more judgmental than I am now), and judged everyone by first impressions, whether it were (was?) your bad habits, attitude, excessive cursing, etc. But near the end of the year, I found a close friend to be with, but still no group. I'm still best friends with this close friend of mine :).
However, this past year was the sweet sixteen year. I didn't feel comfortable enough to go to certain sweet sixteens only because there were cliques and groups invited, and so, I would be left alone with nobody to stay with or talk to. I look at past friends that have graduated recently, and everyone had their own groupie.
I didn't have a groupie and I still don't. I'm kind of a floater that just goes to each and every group and hangs out with everyone. It's alright, but you don't really get to know anyone too much. I'm kind of part of a crazy asian group consisting of really nice and funny half asians and asians, but my best friend isn't in it, and she doesn't really have a group, so I feel kind of bad sometimes... I hung out with my "group" today, which totally just came together 5 minutes before we were leaving, and I found it to be a lot of fun. I got to know everyone a heck of a lot better and I'm not regretting it at all.

I'm just saying I have a group to make myself feel better... :(

the end of summer...

So school's right around the corner and I still don't consider my summer ending. I'm typing on my sidekick, on my way back home from connecticut and I really want to reminisce on what I loved about this summer and memories I would love to share. So here I go.

Summer 08:
I did so many things this summer. I traveled, I learned to love kids, I learned to forgive, I made new friends, got closer to old friends, made memories I will never forget, and had an unforgettable summer.

My summer officially started with the notice of summer school for gym. Yeah. What? An asian in summer school? Yes, I did in fact fail independent study, which is a course in which you answer these packet things on health and exercise. It replaced my gym class due to overcomplications of my schedule. After the last day of school, I had my CYCNY concert, which totally sucked btw. And then I went straight to the airport to go to Taiwan. I hate airplane rides. I reunited with my first best friend as soon as I got there. Taiwan was only a small portion of my vacation, and actually wasn't too significant compared to the rest of my summer... so I kind of want to skip it :) I only followed my mom around most of the time. I was a trophy daughter at her hs and college reunions. Her friends are crazy. But one good thing came out of Taiwan. I had so much free time that I just sat and thought for such long periods of time, and I reminisced on my middle school memories. Oh how I miss those friends of mine that backstabbed me half a year ago... and as soon as I got back, God gave me the courage to learn to apologize to them, and although some have rejected my apologies, I still let them know that I have forgiven them. Lol I feel like Jesus...

and so my tropical taiwanese adventure ends. I got back home 2 weeks later. The next morning, I went to volunteer... jetlagged. I taught arts and crafts in VBS to kids from K-6. Now you're probably thinking,"why would Tracy do such a thing if she hates kids so much?" I wanted to teach at VBS because everyone comes out loving kids and I wanted to love those annoying bratty punks. And you know what? I did leave VBS actually missing those adorable faces. I constantly find myself at their sunday school classes wishing I was teaching again. The staff made my experience so much more fun. We need more dinners at olive garden. Everyone was so fun to be with. Thanks VBS staff! You'll be sure to see me at camp next year.

After VBS ended, I went to choir camp. I honestly didn't want to go at first. (Sorry Rob!) because last year I was just terribly home sick and I didn't have many friends in choir at that time. I only went this year because I was guilt tripped. This year, there were less nostalgic attacks and I think I did have more fun. The little kids loved me and I was like a big sister to them. Although them following me around did get quite annoying. One of them kept bothering me and she's still bothering me on this bus ride back. I understand since she has no older sister, but I only have one thing to say... im never going to succeed at being an older sister. I hate having someone copy me in everything I do and follow me wherever I go. Even my room mates think she's annoying for staying in our room at any chance she gets.. But whatever. Choir camp is over and im satisfied at how much I've improved. That's all that matters.

I want to thank everyone that was in my summer memories and helped make taiwan, vbs,and choir camp such a great experience. Now, I have to go back to reality and face the stress of junior year which will begin in 4 days... booooo :(